That random person you met online and now is a big part of your life
British Kitchen Nightmares: “The risotto is overcooked and your restaurant needs new lighting.”
American Kitchen Nightmares: “YOUR STAFF DOES DRUGS ON THE CLOCK, YOUR FAMILY THINKS YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE AND THERE’S A LIVE RAT IN MY FOOD.”
I think the best part of being a woman is the sexual security that we have. I mean like even a straight woman could know that she’s not interested in women, but she can still sit on another girl’s lap and hold her hand and maybe even kiss her if they were that close. If two guys even make eye contact with each other they have to screech “NO HOMO” at the top of their lungs to make sure everybody knows that they are not gay.
it infuriates me when people tell me “lifes too short to not forgive people!” like NO lifes too short for me to continually allow abusive and manipulative behavior in my life and live in a constant state of anxiety bc I want to be “nice” or whatever
Go down a waterslide when it isn’t wet and you’ll understand why foreplay is so important.
"Go to the gym and go down on jim"